Maybe I broke a fucking mirror, I don’t remember if I did. Regardless, I am coming up to seven years of life as a single lady.
You’d think I’d ran into a mirror shop, went on a raging frenzy and smashed the place into oblivion the way people go on about my relationship status. People treat being single like it’s a curse. It’s as though if you don’t have a partner you blatantly have a serious personality defect.
I couldn’t even begin to tell you how many times people have made comments about my relationship deficiency. ‘Zoe, haven’t you got a boyfriend yet?!’, ‘Are you gay Zoe? Because it’s fine if you are.’, ‘Will you just meet somebody already?’, ‘When are you going to have babies?’ etc. etc. etc.
People even give you sympathy for God’s sake. They genuinely pity you as though you can never find true happiness in being alone. ‘Don’t worry you’ll meet somebody eventually.’, ‘There’s somebody out there for everyone.’ Those are the worst kind of comments.
Don’t get me wrong, I look forward to falling in love one day and I have no doubt in my mind that I will, but can we all stop assuming that single people are all fucking miserable.
I see my single status as an absolute blessing.
For the past seven years I have done what the fuck I like, when the fuck I like.
Soon after my breakup from my ex I spent three months in India, that summer I went on a holiday bonanza to various destinations across Europe and then moved away to university. Here followed three years of doing crazy shit that I cannot disclose in case my Mum reads this, I then graduated with a decent grade despite the amount of partying I did and then went on to spend 8 months in France. I left Europe in November 2015 and have since then been on the move.
I’m not saying my previous relationship kept me from doing any of this but at the same time I guess I kind of am.
We had different visions of the future. Being in a relationship means you have to make decisions based on another person’s feelings. You have to compromise. This is something I personally didn’t want to do in my late teens/ early twenties and so here I am; single as the day I was born. You spend most of your years putting your kids and husband first for Christ’s sake. This is the only time in my life that I will be able to truly and wholeheartedly ‘do me’.
I have never been happier.
It was just the other night during a phone call to my Nan that she suggested I mustn’t want to have a family. I don’t remember ever saying this to her, but she assumed that, because of my age. I’M TWENTY-FIVE. Now I know that this is just a generation/culture shift but it got me thinking, why is it that people are so quick to conclude that because I’m on my way to thirty I should be thinking about finding a life partner and reproducing? It’s a social norm that is slowly changing, that’s for sure; people are travelling more now, pursuing careers, getting married and having children later and can’t afford to buy houses in today’s market in any case.
But what if I don’t want to get married and have children? I mean I do, but what if I didn’t?
Why do people presume that every twenty-something year old has to do those things at some stage? It boils my piss if I’m honest. It’s insensitive and presumptuous. I’m single and childless because I chose to be. Some people don’t have that fortune.
The pressures of your twenties are enough without everybody’s two pence worth.
Now it gets worse. I was down the pub with some friends the other night and in conversation I briefly mentioned that I was afraid of commitment. I wasn’t even referring to relationship status I was just being generic. But to my absolute horror, one of my friend’s muttered under his breath ‘Slut’.
Excuse me if I’m wrong but is this or is this not the 21st Century?
He may well have been joking and it was awkwardly laughed off but it’s these kind of comments that make young women feel worthless, degraded and as though being in a relationship is the only way you can have a respectable sex life. Which, by the way it isn’t. (The French word for single is literally ‘célibataire’ which looks suspiciously like the word celibate for fuck sake, can we not?!) If a man were to say he were afraid of commitment not a single eye lid would be bat.
But a female? Obviously you’re a slut.
I don’t know why I’m afraid of commitment. I just am. In my head I’m still 18 and shouldn’t be tied to anything or anyone. I love the freedom of being by myself. And most importantly, I’m happy.
So let’s all stop pressuring millennials to settle down, because that’s exactly what they’ll do; settle. Let’s encourage them to be happy.
“Be careful when looking for your knight in shining armour, that you don’t end up with a cunt in tin foil.”